I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
