i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
