Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
