Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
