nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
