I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
