My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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