my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize