I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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