Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
