Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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