I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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