Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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