My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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