everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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