Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
