THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
