woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
