I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
