Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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