Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Someone signed my nipple.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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