i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
