the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
