i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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