The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
