I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize