Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
