oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
