My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
