I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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