you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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