My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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