Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize