that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
