It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
