My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
