This is not my ceiling
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
