Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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