vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
