When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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