if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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