I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
