me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
