can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize