and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
