Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
