someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The air taste purple.
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