I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize