I understand Curling. That high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
