cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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