90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
