I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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