I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
