mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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