every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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