did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
