Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
