u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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