She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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