i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
