I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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