I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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