worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Randomize
