Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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