I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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