Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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