I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize