At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to calm my uterus...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
