farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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