No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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