Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
