I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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