Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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