I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
