He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
