Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I won the penis lottery.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
