I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
