we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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