Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize