hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
