I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize