i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
