i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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