That's intense
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
