Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize