If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
