life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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