Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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