i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
