i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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