dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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