kristin has been a bad kristin
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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