At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
