I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
