party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
