Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
