so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
