I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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