why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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