took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
