I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I could punch you in the face.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm passing your future prison.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
