So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize