Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
