I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
