Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
